On the Lighter Side

10 More Things That Make No Sense

1. The expression “Falling in love.”  Why is it falling? On what higher level was I before I fell, and (most importantly) what condition will I be in after I’ve fallen? Is it accidental and unplanned like falling into a ditch, falling down stairs, falling asleep? If so, why does the world seem so addicted to the experience?

2. Getting “tipsy” drunk. Failing to “please enjoy responsibly” causes headaches, dehydration, dizziness, and a general feeling as if one is coming down with the flu. Call me a wet blanket, but I personally consider this to be sufficient disincentive for engaging in this as part of leisure time.

3. People (excluding small children) who say, “I wish we could celebrate Christmas every day of the year.” Listen, I would be in the poorhouse if we did that, and so would you. I would also be sick from that many Christmas cookies. And do you really want to hear “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” all year long? I didn’t think so.

4. The Great Alma Mater Grab for Cash. I can see why universities do this to their older alumni — the ones who are well established in their careers (or comfortably retired), who are actually in a good position to help fatten up that endowment fund. What I don’t get is why they go after the younger set with equal aggressiveness when they stand to gain so very much less for the effort. Both of my alma maters hit me up for cash on the regular. And I’m like, Go away, people. I already gave you all the money I have. And lots of money that I don’t have.

5. House selling season. Silly me, I thought people move when they need to move, just like they buy a car when they need to, or they get a new job when they need one. Nope, they move when moving is “in season.” (Springtime, in case you didn’t know.)

6. Fat Free Half ‘n Half. Need I say, the best fat free option is called black coffee. And it’s also “free” of extra cost, as well.

7. New England’s grudge against air conditioning. We suffer through the cold winters, and by golly we’ll suffer through the hot summers too! Mind you, it’s not always about the higher energy bills; it’s about resistance to admitting defeat. It’s a contest that has no winners and no prize, but we’ll engage in it anyway. Sometimes it’s about not wanting to struggle with hefting heavy A/C units into — and later, out of — the windows. Why isn’t there a better solution for this in 2021? Well, we’re not sure about that either. As they say, we can put a man on the moon, but…

8. “Surprise” marriage proposals. I’m really not sure why initiating tying the knot is something only the groom-to-be is traditionally “in the know” about. His prospective fiancee’s sense of timing as to when this should happen are equally relevant to the arrangement, I would think. Even more so when you consider that this deal is for keeps: The agreement to commit to a lifetime partnership is definitely not something you want to catch you off guard.

9. Baking soda boxes. Baking powder comes in a handy little metal can, and the opening has a flat edge to make measuring easy. Why can’t baking soda also be packaged this way? Why does it have to come in a flimsy cardboard box that you can’t measure from without making a mess? I have never understood this, but I have ample time to reflect on it while sweeping up baking soda from my floor and countertops.

10. Daylight Savings Time. Get jet lag, no travel necessary!

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