Yes, I know April is already somewhat over. (Aren’t you glad?) This means you have a whole year to look forward to the days that have already passed.
April 1: To kick off the month we have, not only April Fool’s Day, but International Fun at Work Day. However, thanks to COVID-19, no one is having fun at work. This is because (1) you’re an essential worker and you’re having an extra tough time right now (hats off to all of you — for real!), or (2) you’re working from home and therefore not having fun at work, or (3) you’re not working at all. Not to worry, though. For those of you in the last category, it’s also International Tatting Day. (If unemployment isn’t bad enough as it is.)
April 2: National Burrito Day! Oh yeah, things are looking up already.
April 3: National Walk to Work Day. It’s a long walk from the bedroom to the home office/dining room table/wherever you have your work station set up, if you’re one of those lucky work-from-homers. If you’re not, Find a Rainbow Day is your option, or — if all else fails — Tweed Day. (I know, I know. Things have never been that bad.)
April 4: It’s Tell a Lie Day, in case you didn’t get enough April Fooling done on April Fool’s Day.
April 5: National Dandelion Day: Go ahead, blow those dandelion seeds into your neighbor’s yard. Dandelions are edible, and super-duper healthy to boot. You’re not spreading weeds; you’re increasing the world’s food supply. Thank you!
April 6: It’s Sorry Charlie Day. Apparently, this is a day set aside to recognize anyone who has ever been snubbed, spurned, or rejected. (So, literally all of us.) For those who have engaged in said snubbing, spurning, or rejection, and found that the injured party isn’t in a forgiving mood and is plotting revenge, it’s also Plan Your Epitaph Day.
April 7: Caramel Popcorn Day. What a great idea! It’s also No Housework Day, so try not to be too messy with the popcorn for best results on this one. I love No Housework Day so much, I celebrate multiple times a week.
April 8: Zoo Lover’s Day. Bring along some of that popcorn you had yesterday, if there are leftovers, and find out which animals have a fondness for caramel. Strictly at your own risk, of course.
April 9: It’s Name Yourself Day, and it’s also Winston Churchill Day. Of course, since none of you reading this will ever have as cool a name as Winston Churchill, I say why bother.
April 10: Siblings Day. Also, National Safety Pin Day. Poke your sibling with a safety pin, and get two-for-one on holidays today. (Actually don’t, ’cause that wouldn’t be nice.)
April 11: It’s National Pet Day — celebrate! Or don’t. I can’t imagine your pet will know the difference either way.
April 12: It’s Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day and National Licorice Day. Serve both of these items together, if you’d also like to participate in Walk on Your Wild Side Day. Or in case you’re running out of food, thanks to the hoarders, and you need to get creative with your meal planning… ahem.
April 13: International Plant Appreciation Day. And what better plant to appreciate today than the peach tree, seeing as it’s also National Peach Cobbler Day? (Good luck finding ripe peaches in April, however.)
April 14: It’s Ex Spouse Day and International Moment of Laughter Day. I’m wondering if there was some compelling reason for putting these two together, on the same day. Do I want to know?
April 15: Now this one makes sense. It’s Income Tax Day, and appropriately, it’s also That Sucks Day.
April 16: National Stress Awareness Day. I’m feeling this one every day this month. How about you?
April 17: Bat Appreciation Day. No, I’m not kidding. I wish I were. Given that bats are supposedly the ones who started all the trouble we’ve been having, I’m not feeling very appreciative of them just now. However, generally speaking, they’re harmless little critters who keep the mosquito population down, so… there is that.
It’s also Pet Owners’ Independence Day, so here’s your big chance to be independent (?) of those pets you were appreciating six days ago.
April 18: International Jugglers’ Day. Multi-taskers — yes! This one’s for us, too.
April 19: National Garlic Day. If you think you’re using enough of it in that whatever-you’re-cooking today, you’re not. Throw in some more.
April 20: Volunteer Recognition Day. Today, we recognize our volunteers. Or volunteer to be recognized. Whatever. I’m not really sure.
April 21: It’s Kindergarten Day, and it’s also — get this — International Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day. If you happen to have both a bulldog and a child in kindergarten, you could (on a normal year) try sending them off to school together and see if the teacher agrees to celebrate these holidays in class. My guess is probably not, but it’s worth a try.
April 22: Add some jelly beans to all the junk you’ve been eating during quarantine for National Jelly Bean Day. Also, some girl scout cookies in honor of Girl Scout Leader Day — oh heck, why not.
April 23: We have a busy day today: Take a Chance Day, Lover’s Day, and National Zucchini Bread Day. Take a chance that people will still love you if you make them sick of zucchini bread 3-4 months before zucchini season even starts.
April 24: Arbor Day! Go on, plant a tree. Just do it. You have nothing else to do today anyway.
April 25: Hug a Plumber Day. But not while they’re working. They get kinda irritated when you do that.
April 26: Hug an Australian Day. Yes, koalas are fair game. If you can get your hands on one. They might be social distancing, too.
April 27: Tell a Story Day. On April 4, we were telling lies. Today, we are telling stories. Make sure you don’t get those mixed up.
April 28: It’s Great Poetry Reading Day, Kiss Your Mate Day, and National Blueberry Pie Day. Personally, if I had my choice of any one of the three, I’d skip the poetry and the kissing and take the blueberry pie. That’s just me, though.
April 29: Greenery Day — unless you live in a cold climate, north of about Growing Zone 5 or so. You’re going to have to wait a little longer for your greenery, but it is coming…. eventually. You know what they say: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
April 30: Hairstyle Appreciation Day. Call it a hunch, but I have a feeling that by this point in the lockdown, none of us has a hairstyle that’s worth appreciating. Once this is all over, how about a Barber’s/Hairstylist’s Appreciation Day? ‘Cause, man, how they’re gonna need it!