Lifestyle

Help, This Virus Deleted my Common Sense Files

Apparently, there’s something about a global health crisis that brings out the novelist in everybody. People and organizations I didn’t even know had my email address are flooding my inbox with some variation of “Our thoughts about the coronavirus!” Thank goodness, I was on the edge of my seat wondering!

Seriously, these emails are coming in as fast as I can delete them. I feel a little bad admitting that, but I can only handle so many missives entitled “How We’re Responding to COVID-19”, “Peace in Troubled Times”, or “Trusting God During a Pandemic” before I’ve reached my capacity. Perhaps you feel the same — which, I guess, doesn’t explain why you’re here reading what I have to say about all this. But, hey, at least I’m not spamming your inbox.

Like everyone else, I’m wondering, how on earth did this catastrophe get its start? When’s it going to be over? How long is this unpaid vacation, I mean staycation, going to last? And the most mysterious question of all:

Where did all the toilet paper go?!

It’s been awhile since my last pandemic experience, so my memory is a little fuzzy, but I don’t remember this happening before.

COVID-19 doesn’t cause diarrhea, so the sudden need for mountains of TP escapes me. I suppose it could be used to barter with if there’s a major dollar crash like some folks are predicting, but otherwise I’m not sure what the reasoning was for stripping the store shelves bare.

The logical connection between “new respiratory flu coming to a town near you” and “must buy allllll the toilet paper” remains lost on me.

I mean, what’s the big deal if you do happen to run out? To state the profoundly obvious, your body’s ability to eliminate waste isn’t going anywhere, and that’s the important thing. The very worst that can happen is that you will have to find some alternate thing to wipe with. In the grand scheme of things, I’d say it could be a lot worse. Life is more than food and the body than clothing, and — if I may be so bold as to add — normal bodily functions than toilet paper.

I have a funny feeling that when all this is over and done with, the hoarders are going to be left with a closet full of TP, a pantry full of stockpiled cans, and not a single, solitary reason why they needed so much of it. And here’s the darndest thing of all: If the same disaster were to happen again next year, I’ll bet most of them will run right out and rinse & repeat the same process all over again.

I’m officially giving up trying to figure it out.

In the meantime, at least we can be glad they left us some coffee.

Bonus: a (actually really, really good) coronavirus-themed Sunday sermon!

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